Dear Cigarettes

(sorry for the not so exciting blog, it's part of my Committed Quitters program)

Dear Cigarettes,

Wow, how the time has flown! Just over eight years together, and i can still remember the first time like it was yesterday. On the way to the first Thursday night rehearsal of my senior year of high school, I decided to see what all the fuss was about. My friends had been smoking for years, I knew it was a stupid, nasty, expensive and deadly habit, but hey, I had a lot of time on my hands. And boy, did we ever waste some time! I spent so much time sneaking off for a smoke that fall and in the years to come, I suspect that i spent more time smoking than any other one activity. I certainly spent more time smoking than I did practicing. Becoming frustrated with my playing drove me outside to smoke, which prevented me from getting as much done. I was always gonna head right back in... finally, after six years of putting it off, I just practiced outside so that I could smoke while i practiced. I'm sure the faculty were very proud of me, what an example to underclassmen, an addict so hooked that he couldn't stand the thought of voluntarily not smoking for more than 50 minutes.
Look how much all those years of not hard work payed off! I played a mediocre recital (that my studio teacher didn't even attend) in a poor venue (the recital hall was booked) to a crowd of people that may have been there to see if I could make it through without lighting up (i was smoking in the picture on my recital flyer, after all). Awesome.
Who could forget all the times I went without food or books or even reeds so I could have enough money for cigarettes? Or the way I would be insufferable and beg any stranger for a smoke when I was broke?
The times we spent alone together are the ones I'll miss the most. Just you and me and an album or a book. Occupying my shallowest levels of consciousness actually did allow me to focus on deeper meanings and hey, I obviously didn't have the self-discipline to just collect myself and meditate without the assistance of an addictive carcinogenic drug.
Man, we sure did make a great first impression, didn't we? Remember when Susan said you smelled like meat? At least you were the highest nicotine content of any filtered cig. Rest assured that of all your shitty brothers, you kicked the most ass.
I know leaving you won't be easy, but that's exactly what I'm doing. Leaving you behind. You did your best to lock me in place, preventing me from advancing past you and distracting me from much, much more important things. Like achieving my goals, being someone parents can feel good about sending their kids to and living the fullest, happiest life possible. We may have a fling here and there, just a quick grope in a bar or an undercurrent in a serious conversation, but the time of your hold on me is over. I am ready to drop you like the nasty, smelly, deadly old whore that you are. I've learned a lot and met some great people while i was with you, but you're trying to kill me and I've had enough of crazy people running my life. Goodbye.

g